Jesus, I can't believe I let an IRS agent stick his tongue in my mouth. I probably have gingivitis now? Thanks?

[ This is officially the worst thing ever. Jack covers his eyes with his hand, groaning - people are probably looking at them weird now, considering both of them look totally exasperated, but this is a big deal okay. ]

And my name is Jack, alright? Just - don't call me John, my grandma calls me John. And she used to beat me while calling me John. So.

[ You bet he is exactly the kind of guy to throw out a background of abuse just to get his way. ughhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ]

Are we talking about giant bugs or not?