['Only'. What a complicated word that is, 'only', full of sharp edges one can hurt someone on if they aren't careful.]

...I never meant to hurt him. If my feelings went beyond that, I would have no right to say so and hurt him even more.

[He was the reason for the pain that caused Leaks to lash out so violently. How could he say that he cared even more for Leaks now, after all these years, and not even say it to Leaks himself?]