[ Being around those drunk on happiness is exhausting, he tells himself it is fine because it should be fine. Yet even as I want them to be at their highest, it would be equally fine to watch them suddenly plummet into the ground. His gaze darts to the side. But that wouldn't make me truly happy. The guilt and shame would come soon enough. It's not real happiness. It's nothing. If it's nothing, there's no reason to reach for it. ]

Not at all. [ He is quick to correct Heigo, however. ] You are happy as you are, or else there would be no point in doing what you're doing. In some small way, you're experiencing a little bit of happiness. Your priority is still your own happiness, because you're focusing on avoiding the disappointment of others. The disappointment of others is an unhappy situation for you, so everything else in some small way is relief and joy.

So I admire you because you're living a life that is adhering to your wishes yet doesn't hurt anyone, and still gathering happiness in it. I admire you because you've chosen a very difficult path to follow yet continue to follow it without complaint. You don't look distraught or sad. You've chosen this for yourself and are confident in it. How could I not find that admirable?