[ He adds in a small shake of his head. ] That isn't to say that I don't take enjoyment out of a few choice things, but enjoyment and happiness are two different experiences. I've never really experienced happiness as others have. There has never been a moment in my life when I felt elated or pure joy.
[ But he doesn't sound upset or troubled about this; for Kei, this is how things are and he had accepted it as his lot in life. ] I recall people being excited and almost trembling about something coming up in their life. The sort of joy that radiates off of them in a way that makes others happy just looking at them. I've never had an experience like that, myself. [ No, he has felt excitement like that, but it came with the cost of guilt and disgust at his own feelings. He cannot call that pure joy; he cannot call it happiness if he feels sick moments after. ]
But I don't besmirch others for their happiness. It tires me out, of course, but I don't mind it. I would rather they be as happy as they can be. Seeing everyone happy, it means nothing to me, but it means the world to them, right?
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[ He adds in a small shake of his head. ] That isn't to say that I don't take enjoyment out of a few choice things, but enjoyment and happiness are two different experiences. I've never really experienced happiness as others have. There has never been a moment in my life when I felt elated or pure joy.
[ But he doesn't sound upset or troubled about this; for Kei, this is how things are and he had accepted it as his lot in life. ] I recall people being excited and almost trembling about something coming up in their life. The sort of joy that radiates off of them in a way that makes others happy just looking at them. I've never had an experience like that, myself. [ No, he has felt excitement like that, but it came with the cost of guilt and disgust at his own feelings. He cannot call that pure joy; he cannot call it happiness if he feels sick moments after. ]
But I don't besmirch others for their happiness. It tires me out, of course, but I don't mind it. I would rather they be as happy as they can be. Seeing everyone happy, it means nothing to me, but it means the world to them, right?